El Fin

I am done with life and its mishaps. I hate everything about it. I see no point in it. I really do not like this “gift” of damnation. I want to cry sometimes when I look in the mirror. I hate to do this, to work, to be useful or anything. I just want to give up and let the sweet breadth of death sweep over me. I am tired of all I am to endure. How unjust and stupid it is. Ugh. 

What Have We Lost and the Nothing We Have Gained

What have we lost 

In the past 100 years?

Dignity, 

Maybe morals,

Definitely value

Of the life we

Are given.

Driven to what we have

Evolved into

Saddens spirits 

Across universal planes,

Creating a want to be turned 

Back into the ash

We once originated. 

Why was I Not Asked Before I was Created?

I am my mother's first born child, 

And my daddy's little girl, 

Pulled from the womb 

At a late stage, 

I cried silently for the warmth I was taken from,

As the cord was cut,

I shouted to be left alone,

Not to be released into this 

Pitiful world;

Not a person listened to my screams,

They wrapped me in a pink blanket

And let me grow into an adult

Where there is no escape insignificant enough

To free my dying soul;

I blame the sperm and the egg,

I blame the OBGYN,

Most of all I blame Him,

For existing in this painful place,

Without one thought on the idea

Of creating me that fateful 

November day. 

The Saddest

The saddest place on Earth,

Begins with a soulful tear 

That drops into the soil 

And spreads throughout the land

As if a wildfire,

It brings rain in the sunniest of regions,

And darkness during the summertime.

The saddest of all sad things

Begins with you and me,

Your broken heart,

And my torn soul,

Blackened by clogged happiness,

The dreadful pull of pain lingers 

Forever throughout our muscles,

There is no break nor escape 

From this sadness,

It is as eternal as our souls.

The saddest place in the world 

Seems to be the memory of pain

Tattooed in our brains. 

The Disappointer

How many people 

Does one let down in a

Lifetime? 

Too many to count,

Drops of frowns

Spoil optimism,

Innocence and

Kindness

Once known

With each broken 

Promise,

Black oil 

Drowns each day

Away until the 

Disappointer dies. 

Gambler

Game show hosts 

And stale goats

Gloat about

Cars and cards,

Losers are in 

High percentage,

While winners 

Are very few,

Spin the wheel 

And your fortune 

Will be revealed,

But be wary 

If your math is wrong 

You will be left 

With nothing but 

The goat. 

This is how you Win

Dazzle me,

Make me think you are 

Amazing,

Impress me,

Then all your dreams will come true.

I bedazzled my life for you

To see and be 

Blown away, 

I gave up everything 

Simply to impress you. 

Happiness

Happiness is the bullet

He put between my teeth

Many years ago,

Lead courses through my veins,

Growing in toxicity

Each year,

Warmth breeds itself through me,

Happiness emerges

Holding a white flag. 

My Long Hair Lies

Hair covers the tears I cry,

For you,

For me,

For our friendship,

We live lies

And tell them even better,

I love you

I’ll never tell you,

My lips are sealed. 

The Break Up

The truth is

I don’t want you,

I want to be alone,

I need space,

It’s not you it’s me,

I hate you,

I need you but not right now,

I love someone else,

I need time to think about things,

I need to discover myself,

I’m leaving you,

Goodbye. 

Old Animal Protein

Confusion runs into

Craziness,

Dripping off the finger

Of destruction,

How can we understand

This thing,

Whatever it is,

I do not want to know,

Sweet with bitterness

Cringing,

Slimy wonder

Eats the skin

Like maggots in meat.

Dripping Eyeliner

Lucid

Dreams

Flood

Minds,

Dancing

Rhythms

Across

Planes,

People

Laughing,

Crying,

Staring,

Murdering

Dying

Hating,

Deteriorating. 

A Lonely Dreamer

I sleep all day,

Sit on the couch alone

Watching a movie

By myself,

Typing words of loneliness

And occasionally read a chapter

Of Mr. Wilde’s spectacular intelligence,

I see no one in my line of sight

For weeks at a time,

I hear only the television

And my keyboard

Typing my dreams into reality,

Pretending one day they’ll come true.

 

I sleep all day

Watching my dreams

Like the movies I see

From the lonely couch,

Seeing pictures of happiness

And adventures that I’ll never

Experience with others that

I’ll never know,

Meeting and loving fictional characters,

Waking up alone in bed,

Greasy and tired

I fall back into my dreams,

Pretending life is like

My beautiful alternate reality.

 

The Fish People

People turn into eels

And swim like fish on each side of me,

Tickling my sides with

Their slippery scales

I laugh uncontrollably

And can’t seem to stop,

These fish people,

I adore them,

Love them,

Embrace them-

These fish people,

For they are my only friends.  

Fish

Fish swim in the tank

Sitting on the desk,

I look at them in awe

Wishing to be apart of

Their simple life,

So beautiful and elegant,

They swim in circles

Ignorant of their stupidity,

I look on their lives with jealousy. 

The Dark Eyes That Stare

A handsome face stares back at me,

Empty black eyes,

A wry smile,

And a strong jaw,

He looks upon my figure

With such wonder

I know not what to think,

Frozen with fear

I feel him looking into my soul,

Those eyes,

Those piercing eyes

Sting my bones

And twist my stomach,

Never have we met

Yet I feel we both know

The truth we feel,

Without saying a single word. 

Pickled

There’s a pulse in my veins

Throbbing throughout my weak limbs,

A pain I’ve felt before,

Many times before,

Poison fills me heart

And stills my eyes

I begin to feel nothing again,

The numbness hurts even worse

Than the pain,

A stillness overcomes my nature

And I am catatonic yet again. 

Dear Dad,

Groundwork piling up

In a mound above the earth

Blinded sight falls upon my soul

Darkness fills the light

I am just a person

In a room of depressed silence

With no motivation

And no love,

So I go on in silence

Pretending to be this apathetic

Human being with little to say

And nothing to do

Because I hate impressing you. 

The Way of Fools

We talked of

Marrying,

Traveling the world,

Learning French

Living in Paris,

One day having children,

Living with each other’s love

For all time.

We talked of running away together,

Driving to the west coast,

While laughing in the car

With the windows down,

Blasting music and

Making weird faces.

We talked of the adventures we would have,

As you cooked most of our meals,

We kissed and made

the sweetest love I’ve ever known,

You made me feel like I could do anything

And be anything,

You helped me grow and learn and be

More than I was.

Now our ride is over,

We walk past each other silently,

Trying to come up with something to say

Without looking into each other’s eyes,

We live in a dull manner

Pretending to pretended

Knowing nothing will be the same

Since our souls are growing apart

And our lives are separating infinitely,

I cannot be sad

But I feel helpless and confused,

Hurt but I can see that you do too,

We tried and failed,

So I’ll pick up the pieces and try again

Because that’s life.

I’ll try to be o.k.

Maybe live more fully,

Since you made me realize

This is as real as it’s going to get in this life,

So, thank you darling,

I will not forget our love.

Sucked Between the Cracks

I fell in between

The cracks for you,

I fell into a pit of awesomeness

As the fall ripened your appeal,

I feel into

A fit of love and lust

Which turned into tears

Of hatred,

We tried to seal the crack

With hope,

But there was never any in the beginning,

I fell in between the cracks of

This love,

The cracks in our groundwork

Were too big to repair,

So I fell through them for you

Into my pitiful place of

Loneliness.

One More Attempt

My life is unraveling

Before my outstretched hands,

I lay in the road

Hoping to be taken

Out of my misery,

No one comes,

Not even the hum of a distant

Car is heard,

Tears of hopelessness

Stream down the sides

Of my cheeks,

Forced to live this

Absurd life I pick myself up

Trudging on to live

The life I had hoped to leave

Far behind. 

Carved Out

I am so down

In the face

With the facts

Of life

Staring at me,

Tunnels replace

My green eyes

With black caves

Of death,

A white pitiful

Expression looks

Back on all I have done

With the sorrow

Of regret,

I can never change

Anything about life

With the technology

Of selfishness.

King Kong was Only a Monkey

Blah blah blah,

I know this, duh,

Get over your stupid

Ways kid,

Your questions are insane,

They are so difficult it’s lame,

I want no part in answering

A damn thing,

Depart from life, Oh please be gone,

I only wish you’d be devoured by King Kong,

Die die die

So I may fly

Into the sunset so sweetly,

I will serve to be

My own Biology. 

Hippy Shunned

I am totally unbalanced while standing on my own two feet. I feel the need to express my inner flower child, yet I it is crushed and forced to hide beneath bloody, screaming walls. Every hippy I have come across, except for a few amazing ones, has rejected me; not at first but eventually I have felt shunned and totally unaccepted. Maybe it was my fault but whatever. Unfortunately my friends are not hippies, the reason it is unfortunate is because real hippies stand for peace of mind, body and soul, love of all creatures and music and have a real joy of life. I was once a true flower child, now I am a poser, a lonely depressed, confused child who knows what she is but is forced to conceal it from her family and good friends. If my close loved ones knew half the stuff I have done, I would be in therapy and shunned. All I want is to attend some bitching shows, make art, dress comfortably in natural loose attire and smell fresh flowers in my hair while dancing in an open grassy field. That is my bliss, my Zion.