Reality summons eternity
Surrounding images that form,
Youthful minds project loss-

Loss of innocence


.........


It is my birthday tomorrow. Not just any birthday but my 21st. The day I become an adult. The day I am officially old enough to drink alcohol legally.

My ex-boyfriend, still best friend and still love of my life was supposed to come for my birthday. He tends to flake on me since we broke up, however I was really hoping he would make it for my special day. Apparently, it's not that special to him.

I sit here, depressed, alone, mildly drunk, the day before I can drink legally; tormented with thoughts of a man I cannot simply let go. He invades my being- a feeling, a notion, I know will never fully release from me.

Wishful thinking that I could put him aside. It is not difficult to be attracted to other men, however, it is difficult knowing that those men will not magically transform into my love when I kiss them.

Falling in love, not just love but the love that one KNOWS is eternal, completely fucks one up.

How does she know and he not? How pure their love was...so innocent, so new, so beautiful. Their love was one of those that a person hopes their entire life they will experience. Maybe it is not meant to last forever, but I must admit I have waited for love to reveal itself to me since I was five years old, and it finally has in full force, but after only nine months he denied me. We denied each other. He decided I was crazy. I decided it was time for me to seek personal help.

I am changing. He is moving away, emotionally. I am pulling him back to the best of my ability. I love him. I know he loves me. Yet there is not much we can do about this relationship we've created.

I put on a smile every day. I am o.k. Yet I am deteriorating without the love of my life. I truly believe he is my soulmate. I also truly believe we need time apart. Yet I still am attached.

She is the Reason He is Gone

She grows from her mind,
Ideas blossoming gloom...

He calls her crazy,
Views her suicidal streak as insanity.

She hangs by her own limb,
His verdict eating at her conscience...

He loved her, stands by her but
Her breakdowns drove him away.

She falls into her self-hatred,
Hatred for the decisions she has made...

Pushing him away.

It Sure Would be Nice to Marry a Prince

Move closer to the eye's light.
Sun dances across the pupil,
A rainbow's midst lands upon your skin.
Magnificent in pure simplicity, yet ,
Coated with the reality of fairytales.