It is hard to feel anything but relief.
The North facing window electrifies the entire apartment with a grand dose of sunlight. This Valley is so bright and beautiful. Snow capped mountains completely surround me, every which way my eyes can process. The beauty begins and ends with those surrounding mountains. Locals walk around listlessly, zombie-eyed with the scent of booze dripping from every pore. They are vagrant souls searching for something to fill their seemingly porous souls. I watch each of them glide toward the bar each and every day. Some drink more than others each day. And each day the amount varies for many of the serious drinkers. As a bartender, you generally know these local's drink of choice. Vodka-soda-splash of cran with a lime and a shot of Tuaca for the lady. Vodka-sprite-lemon with a shot of Tuaca for the man sitting next to her. Busch Lite, Busch Lite, two fireballs for the next couple. Oh, Joe shot for you instead? Switching it up today, huh? O.K. then, I'll fill a shot glass with ice, vodka-splash of lemonade. She walks in the bar, half stumbling already. No smile is worn upon the thin, tight lips. Eyes glazed, hat on covering the greasy mess of hair that hides beneath. Don't approach this one, she'll suck your soul dry as she laments for other's sins and makes herself look like a drunk saint. Exaggerate everything, and talk so loudly everyone around you must know what you are blabbing on about. Blah, Blah, Blah. Make us look like idiots and selfish sinners. Then tell us you love us. Stop contradicting yourself. The drunk bystanders sway in dismay. And loudly cluck on about the woes of their crying worlds. What is wrong with these people? Is it just this hell hole that sucks the life out these poor souls? Or is it the establishment? Both? Just a hodgepodge of selfish plotters, out to stay wasted in order to hide the emptiness that their unfulfilled lives have gifted to them.
Sometimes, when I look up at the mountains the forget the people of this town. And I am calm and happy. However, most of the time, these creatures of Happy Hour, haunt me, pain me. I want to shake sense into each of the crazy alcoholics. I wish it worked that way. Spending so much of the money they don't have at the bar. I have to hear the complaints about how much they owe me. Well, if you didn't drink so much then maybe it would not be so bad. Fucking get your personal self together. The wild animals crawl and bawl and sprawl across the bar like cockroaches. I cringe in disgust, looking upon them, and upon her. How can one choose such an unpleasant life for themselves? I understand why they feel the need to, however, I do not think it is an appropriate reaction for the entirety of one's life.
I have had my fair share of incidents with drinking (and getting into trouble). But I go through horrid transitional phases all the time where there will be splurts of me consuming large amounts of alcohol. But I am happy to say I have never grown dependent on it. In a way, I am glad I am witnessing such life long debauchery, because it is changing me as a drinker. I like to drink, quite often, however I have never seen it destroy so many lives as it has for this small town community. Plus I have been feeling horrible after drinking so much. And I do not want the vain of my existence to be alcohol. Every person has the opportunity to create something pretty amazing out of themselves. Not all are given the proper tools, but as a human being, with consciousness and the physical and mental ability to accomplish things that please them, one should be able to at least try to be something that makes them feel good in this dismal world.
All evil has a good side. Baby blue skies lay over this land most of the time. So blue it is hard to comprehend that such a blue exists. There are days, when gray-purple skies tumble through the blue and bring flurries of the fluffiest of snows. The nature seems to be so incorporated in the lifestyle that one sometimes forgets how completely in nature you really are. This type of visual beauty is unique. It is special to live in such a place.
Yet, Beauty has a price.
