Distract me

I drive all night

I sleep all day,

I won't think of you

I can not dream of you,

Release me

Release me,

I'm driven to distractions,

Rid of you

Rid of you,

Help!

I'm fighting alone!

I need many souls

To protect me

From my nightmares,

Release me

Release me,

I'm driven to distractions,

Rid of you

Rid of you,

While I sit in the dark

As I cry in the light

I need you

You know this,

Hurting me so good

Killing me so sweetly

While I sit in the dark

As I cry in the light,

Release me

Release me,

Rid of you

Rid of you

Rid of you (fading)

Who Am I?

Confused

Immature

Free spirit

Dancing

Whirling

Chained

Cuffed

Scared

Shattered.

World Hate

Money

Devil of the world

Controls our every thought

Inspires our very being

Kills our creativity

Fuels violence

Envious

Greedy

Green

Take Me into the Ocean

Away, away, away

Drifting into the water

Deeper, deeper, deeper

I slowly sink

Leave, leave, leave

Everything I have ever known

Soar, soar, soar

Into eternity smiling

Loose, loose, loose

My lifeline 

Gone, gone, gone

Never coming back.

Death of one more soul

Suffocating in loneliness

I am left behind

Yet again,

It hurts the same

As my heart rips open

A little bit more,

I feel the scabs break

And the blood rush

Slowly drowning me

Placating my soul

As I drift into eternal sleep.

The fire is out

Home,

Where I wanted to go

Forgotten

In the midst of life

Live in vain

Try to attain

Something of meaning

Failure looms

Heavy as the weight 

Of the world on my shoulders

Stuck in my own blood

Immobile, 

My soul's fire

Is extinguished 

Pool of Sorrow

Blood tracks on the floor

Leading to the bathroom

Pool of sticky black goo

Thick and serene 

Gathered in a huge mass

Creating a small lake 

Of sadness 

She lies peacefully

Engulfed in deep redness 

Pale and breathing

Sedated by the surrounding drug

Tranquility beams  

Next Morning

Tired, I lay on the frumpy couch

Balled up in a lumpy mess,

Greasy, Dirty, Tangled

Last night's makeup spread across my eyes,

Pounding headache

Cracks my will,

Emotionless and ill humored

I lay on the frumpy couch

Hoping the end is near.

love itself.

I want to love

But how?

I want to be loved

But no one will.

Constantly ostracized from this desire. 

An Inkling

Warmth 

Comfort

Drown me in you

Surrounded

Hold

Touch 

Feel

Tingle

Fall

I need you

Here and now

Forever in my heart.

Wings

Flight

On the air express

Soaring

In the crisp air

High

Reaching unscaled heights

Take

Me into the sky

Breathlessly

Spinning into the light

Clocks

Time

Flows endlessly

A river

Running into the ocean

Ever present 

Constantly moving

Swirling into destructive masses 

Hurting, Killing

And placid

Beautifully placated 

Reflecting the world

In it's mirror 

No changing what is or was

Floating along

Eternally. 

The Game of Life

God is the creator of a massive video game. We are playing His game. Each move leads us to a different path, preconceived by the creator, but determined by the player. 

Upir', 1047 AD

Hysteria rises,

People flocking about like angry bees

Running in circles

Screaming for their lives.

I stand still

In the midst of all confusion

Knowing more than the mad,

Desiring only one thing

I wait. 

Finally, I see them

Their skin reflects the moon like mirrors

Where it is not covered in dark attire. 

I spot him

Off to the right under the shadows of  tree

His glistening eyes dart around 

At last, they rest on me.

I gasp,

He revels in his pre-conceived knowledge

As I walk toward him.

The others disperse into the wild jungle

And now it is only the two of us.

Smiling he grabs me gently

Injecting the most intoxicating venom into my veins

A rush of life escapes me

Leaving an indescribable high

I fall limp into his arms

Our cool, hard bodies mold into one

Cradling me he feeds me his wrist

I drink ravenously, 

Thirsty my whole life.

He lifts me to my feet

Wiping my mouth with his stained sleeve.

The panicked town is quiet now,

The streets are empty and filled with serenity.

My reddened eyes look into his

Hearts of stone have never felt so much love.

We walk down the cobblestone road 

Side by side

For all eternity. 

Kiss by the Moon

Pale skin glowing in the moonlight

Warm, fluid hair whisking in the breeze

Eyes black as night

Stare into mine

He smiles a toothy grin

Seducing me sweetly

Quick hot breadths stroke my face

All train of thought is lost

Smell of his body 

Smell of me

Lightheadedness overcomes

My mortal head

He sighs

I fall

Strong cool hands catch me

The moment is now

No more waiting

He leans in.

Supermassive Black Hole

     We all want to be wanted. It's innate to care how others perceive us, especially those we find intriguing. Acceptance among others is commonly found at some point, we interact, socialize, find commonalities and cling to each other like baby monkeys to their mothers.  Once we have distinguished friends, a feeling of comfort is embedded into our restless souls. 

     However, rejection stabs deeply to the core of our hearts. The suspicion of not being wanted around cuts our spirits and drowns our drive to exist. If no one wants us around, it seems more plausible to not be around. Anxiety, depression and stress overwhelms us. We are sucked into a supermassive black hole, christened with blackness, drifting in the emptiness, confused and closed in.  There is a point of no return once we're in too deep, gravity continually pressing on us, we gradually decompose. No escape. No return. We drift on for eternity. There is no meaning in life, no reason for us to live. If no one cares about us, we should put them out of their misery and dive into the darkness forever. 

It Happens

Addictions.

Add some more Vodka to this drink.

Unable to dictate.

Sssluring words.

More. More. More. 

Need.

Want.

Must.

Lust.

Take me home with you.

Mistakes.

Crave.

Sleep.

Forget.

Post-pone life. 

Welcome Home

Welcome to the real world! In all it's glory and fame. Money, power, status valued more than love and adventure. Dreamers are left behind while liars and cheaters win the race. Going round and round on the earth's axis. What would happen if it spun the other way? 

"Caring Is Creepy"

The piercing stab of ice

Seeps into my bones

Freezing blood flow

Skin turns a numb blue 

Silent bitterness slowly creeps 

Struggling for air

No help comes

No one cares enough to worry

Just another face

Alone 

Incarcerate My Soul

Invade my thoughts. Capture my already undying attention. In too deep; disease of my mind controls me. No idea, no hope, no love; no reason to love. Pierce my heart, suffocate my spirit. Unbearable stinging triggers a leak. A numb corpse remains. You infect my thoughts. 

Blazed

Clumsy feet,

Darting eyes,

Thumping heart,

Buzzing body,

Stuttering speech,

Anxious mind,

Relentless yearning,

Helpless vulnerability,

My drug,

My addiction,

My love. 

why did i write this?

  We are all so insignificant. The world is enormous, containing life we are still discovering. Each one of us are merely another number in the statistics. We don't matter as a whole. Each human life is weighed so heavily, but one less living being creates population balance, so every murder, suicide and death naturally keeps this necessary balance. 

  We are all so significant. Lives intertwine randomly,sometimes creating a lasting dimple in someone's life. 

  A girl may commit suicide because of a lost love, and that boy may feel bad enough to go to her funeral to converse with the parents. The father may hold the boy responsible; eventually distraught with anguish the father may kill that boy. 

  Or, for instance, sitting on the greyhound from Alabama to Chicago. A girl sits next to you. She is dressed in a purple frilly top, blue jeans, and black frayed boots. Dark hair, a nose ring, a symbol tattooed on her wrist. You are intrigued. She talks to you, you both have lots in common. Hanging out on the greyhound you bond. Once in Chicago the girl and you end up rooming together in a small apartment, set up an art gallery, eventually becoming best friends and business partners. 

Those we subject ourselves to mold our persona; their beliefs, values, morals, style, way of thinking, opinions, taste all profoundly impress upon us. Meaningless gestures often stick into our brain cells, to trip us back to that intoxicating experience. 

Death

We all know one day a bitter cold chill will stop the blood flow in our systems.  Our body will lay there, pale, waxy, lifeless. Some will be buried, others cremated; either way the waxy figure once a human being turns to ash, salting the earth with their memory.  Forgotten, we drift along searching for one another into eternity

Secret

Intoxicate my body

Sedate my mind

Embed yourself into my brain

Engulf my heart

Infatuate my emotions

Seduce my soul.

Burn marks you left on my chest

Never will be known.

Obsessed

I have an odd obsession with vampires. 

Their intricate bodies. Pale skin, intriguing eyes, siren like appeal. 

Their sharp fangs, digging into necks is sublime. 

I desire that bite. 

His cold hand caressing my face, my neck, ever so softly and gently.

He leans in. Syrupy breadth sweeps across my face.

Yearning for what is to come, I tilt my head slightly. 

Carefully, he bites, as if he's afraid I may break. 

Those teeth. 

Those exotic, deathly white daggers. Beautifully entering my neck.

Blood trickling from the vampire's mouth, sliding down my neck creating a warm, sticky trail as it travels to my chest. 

Passionately sucking, drinking. 

Sensual seduction at its best. 

everything

Past memories. past existence. past lovers. past mistakes. past populations. past away. 

Today, tomorrow, ten years from now is going to be classified as the past one day. Forgotten, thrown away, buried, what has past constantly haunts the present. 

Time flies.

Time moves.

Time slows. 

Time stops.

I can't control anything that was. I can control what will be. Who I am at the moment deciphers the choice I make. Many that I will make, I shouldn't. I know this, I know what I should do, but what I want out weighs the better choice. Regret constantly fills my lungs, burning with each breadth I take.  But I have no right to feel regret. I could have done something differently,  however I CHOSE not to; so I cannot regret anything that I have done or will do. 

I am constantly distracted. By my thoughts, surroundings, offers, parties, books, internet, boys, talking, drawing. I hate studying. I despise useless information I only have to learn for educational purposes, only to forget everything I was "taught." I don't forget everything but damn it, I just like to have fun. I LOVE to have fun. That is my goal in life-to have FUN! to be content with who I am and what I stand for and hopefully make a decent living doing something i love. 

this is all pretty stupid. so i'm going to write later. ps-I am supposed to be studying, and I'm going out now, on a monday, while i should be studying. ha. i am a horrible person.