Tears of Anger

I keep hoping life will get better. Mostly everyone older I have talked to says college is the best time in your life, others argue high school, however apparently the best time in one's life is when they are in school. I have to say, I am not having the best time in college, and high school was a nightmare for me. I know I loathe college because I made it an awful experience by not studying and such but the real reason I do not like college is because I never even got to apply to the places I wanted to go, like Boulder Colorado, NYU, Brown and many other northern schools. I was accepted to Salisbury in Maryland and offered a scholarship but was not allowed to go. It is all my fault, I should have fought harder to go to the school I really wanted to be at. I feel like the fact I did not attend the college of my choices lends to a lot of my failure during my collegiate years. I should have pushed harder. Now I am terribly unhappy and feel like a failure. I really just want to die very soon because I am a bum, a nobody and a complete failure in human society. I have nothing to offer the world, and I am giving up. I hate how my life has been and how it has turned out. I am crying out of self pity which angers me even more, I hate myself for pitying myself so much. I see no escape for myself. No escape except death.